The title of this blog is inspired by the movie "Idiocracy." It did not get the best reviews, but it cracks me up every time I watch it. If you like silliness and crude humor, you must go rent it immediately.
When I was little, whenever I would get hurt or upset, my father's cure all was a "cool glass of water." Fight with your sister? Have a cool glass of water. Papercut? Have a cool glass of water. Monsters under the bed? Cool Water. Arm fell off? Have a cool glass of water.
It became a family joke. When my little brother Sean showed up when I was eleven, he was requesting a "cool glass of water" on his own by the time he was two. As adults, we would all tease each other that all you needed was a cool glass of water, no matter what was wrong with you.
So, it would stand to reason that I, above all people, would know the benefits of staying hydrated...right?
Clearly, I am learning disabled.
A good friend of mine, Danielle, happens to be a month further along in her pregnancy than me. I have been so grateful to have someone to go through this with, even if it's long distance. I am not speaking to my mother or anyone on her side of the family, and this has been a sort of lonely experience for me with no women around. Danielle and I were very close in High School, but as things go, we lost touch in the years since then. When I was six weeks and she was eleven, we learned about each other's pregnancies. (I think even before we went public.) Having her just an internet connection away has been something I will ALWAYS be thankful for...just one of those little gifts from the universe to help me through this scary time.
Danielle being a month ahead of me has been great because everything she goes through, I know to look out for. Our pregnancies have been quite different...and we guessed early on that we were having opposite sexes. (This was confirmed...and for the record Danielle, I am not above organizing an arranged marriage.) We've talked about every last detail of our experiences, from the gross to the funny to the scary, and very early on Danielle said something that has become my mantra in this pregnancy:
If something is wrong, you will know it.
It is VERY easy to get yourself worked up when you're pregnant. The "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book might as well be titled "Your Pregnancy Guide to a Panic Attack." The internet is CHOCK FULL of horror stories for each stage of pregnancy...from etopic pregnancies to preterm labor to all of the horrible things that can go wrong during birth and beyond. Add this age of information to being a first time mom to having normal pregnancy pains...to being someone who has struggled with anxiety their entire life and you have...well...me.
I can remember having anxiety at like three years old. I am a worrier. I've gone from worrying whether or not my stuffed animals were unable to breathe because of the angle of their floppy heads to convincing myself on a daily basis that I'm losing my baby. If you have anxiety, you know that it starts as a gnawing, looping thought and progresses into an irrational conclusion that you cannot ignore or be talked out of:
I haven't felt the baby in a while. Hm, it's been a while since I felt the baby. Why haven't I felt the baby? Maybe if I press here I'll feel the baby. Man I still haven't felt this baby. God, please let me feel the baby! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE BABY??? OH MY GOD THE BABY IS GONE!!!
So essentially, for the past 24 weeks, every day, I put myself through this. This weekend it reached a breaking point.
I've been in discomfort the past two or three weeks. I've grown to epic proportions very quickly, my back is hurting, my stomach is hurting and, most disturbingly, I've had an unrelenting tightness in my lower abdomen that can range from mildly uncomfortable to painful.
I immediately head to the internet when there's something weird going on. Big mistake. I have found that most people go to the internet with extremes. You don't often stumble across other's personal experiences that say things like, "Today was ok. Everything is normal. Nothing to report." You come across sentiments like "This was the worst hotel I've ever stayed in," or "This restaurant had the best steak I've ever tasted," or "I miscarried 19 times and then had a baby with four heads."
So of COURSE when I google my symptoms, I self diagnose that I'm in preterm labor. Now, I'm a smart woman. I am perfectly aware that the symptoms I'm experiencing COULD be preterm labor, but they could also be normal, annoying symptoms of pregnancy.
I've been EXTREMELY lucky. I have had little to no symptoms up until now. No morning sickness. No pains. No swelling. No bloating. (I will admit that I had pretty severe mood swings in the very beginning, but Dustin and I are pretending that never happened.) But physically, I've never gone through this before and I have no frame of reference. Every twinge and pain and stretch I feel is cause for concern...and the horrible thing is I know it's only gonna get worse.
A few days ago, Danielle posted on Facebook "Seven months pregnant in the summer...not cute." I feel her pain so so much. The heat is a pregnant lady's biggest enemy. You're already a degree or two above normal, terribly uncomfortable no matter what you're wearing and unable to move with the same fluidity you once could. You literally don't want to move. At all. I find myself lucky enough to be able to hide in the AC most of the day, but even short trips outside make me wanna die. Combine the heat with the fact that I did not learn anything from my father about the benefits of a cool glass of water and you have a panic inducing situation on your hands.
After spending this weekend alternating between crying out of fear and laying down in discomfort, I decided to call my doctor this morning. My new practice is awesome. They got me on the phone with a nurse who listened to my complaints. Tightness in stomach. Back pain. Painful pulling sensation. She had the following advice:
1. Get off the internet.
2. Get off your feet.
3. Take a tylenol.
4. Drink as much liquid as you can.
For the first time in my life, I listened to a medical professional. I drank 32 ounces of gatorade and a liter and a half of water...and wouldn't you know it...the pesky pulling in my gut eased up a little bit for the first time in the better part of a month.
I feel so stupid. All I needed was a cool glass of water.
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