Things move a little more slowly in PA. Scranton, while technically a city, can often be found empty...even on a main drag such as the one we live on. We live about a block from one of the big Scranton attractions...namely The Steamtown Mall...and yet there is never any traffic and finding a spot right next to the mall on a Saturday afternoon is not a problem.
The second day we were in Scranton, we were "warned" by some locals of a huge parade happening that day. We were advised to head home quickly to avoid the throngs of people that would be heading down to our street, which was the main path of the parade. Fearing a Macy's Thanksgiving Day scenario, Dustin and I scurried back to our apartment, threw the windows open and prepared ourselves for anarchy.
I think four and a half people showed up to watch a parade of a few hundred. Apparently everyone was marching in the parade leaving Scranton to remain a ghost town. It was like a ceremony for ghosts.
Since that day, we've learned that PA has different levels of measurement for things like "crowded" and "quickly" and "unsafe." We've also started to notice something a little gross about ourselves, which I intend to outline in this blog entry.
While driving home from a delicious Olive Garden dinner in Dixon City, (again, by "city," PA means "town that has less farmhouses than average and a Target") Dustin commented about how he found himself being quite vocal in his sales meetings. This led to a conversation about how we should probably keep ourselves in check when it came to our "Long Island attitudes."
Let me explain. I really do think that Dustin and I, for the most part, are very nice people. But I also think that if you fuck with us, we will destroy you either verbally or physically. I also think that this is a very common trait among people who grew up on LI. Of course there are varying degrees of this "fuck with me and die" mentality...for example if my sister lived here she would be in jail by now...but this agressive, defensive attitude has reared its ugly head in several circumstances in the past five weeks or so...and as Dustin said earlier, it's a very uncomfortable mirror to be held up to one's face. Here's one example of how I know I need to work on losing my Long Island attitude...
Give Me Electricity or I'll Give you Death
So our Landlord's business offices are on the bottom floor of the building in which we live. I consider this a good thing in case of a problem. A few days ago, there was such a problem. My landlord is either very busy or just wants people to believe he's really busy, so he has a series of women who work in his office do his bidding. I'm home, enjoying some daytime TV and Facebook stalking when there's a timid, non intrusive knock at the door. I'm already defensive.
I don't know anyone in Scranton. Who the EFF is knocking on my door. It's TEN AM. WHAT IF I WAS SLEEPING GOD DAMMIT. WHAT IF MY CATS WERE SLEEPING???? WHAT IF THE BABY WAS HERE AND SHE WAS SLEEPING?!?!?!?!?
I open the door to reveal, according to her crooked name tag, Barbara. Barbara is in her late forties, her hair has been dyed a shade of red that does not exist in nature, the only bit of makeup she is wearing is a coral colored lipstick and her ill fitting, bright yellow work shirt is tucked snugly into a pair of business slacks that emphasize her lady parts.
I have judged Barbara in about three seconds. I already know I do not like Barbara based on nothing more than appearance.
"Yes?" I say. I hear the snippiness in my voice as I use my right foot to keep the cats from escaping through the small crack I have the door opened to.
"Hi, I'm Barbara," she replies, forgetting about her crooked name tag. "I just wanted to let you know that the electric company stopped in today to put a block on this apartment because you haven't transferred it to your name. I managed to put them off until Friday, but you have to call them and put it in your name."
Barbara's tone was a little cold and stern, but at the same time matter of fact and professional. But no matter how she could have or would have worded this information, my Long Island ears heard:
"Hey fatty. We're shutting off your fucking power because you're an asshole. Good luck with that."
Now let me backtrack for a second. When we moved in, our landlord informed us that HE would be tranferring the electric into our name. I know this to be fact because not only was Dustin standing right next to me when he said it, but also because I grilled him on it several times.
So clearly, this was the reason for my continued dickish interaction with Barbara.
"Well Barbara," I said, drawing out the syllables of her name as if they were insults, "Your boss informed me that HE would be taking care of this. If that was not the case, I should have been informed. I have rented apartments before, Barbara. I know what I'm doing. Don't you think I would have set up the electric if I knew I was supposed to?"
Barbara blinks, clearly taken aback by my tone. PA residents are masters in the fine art of passive aggressiveness...in fact I think that's where the state abbreviation comes from...it's the kind of passive aggressiveness that you're not quite certain actually happened until much later when you're on the toilet or something and it dawns on you that you were condescended to. But I think that's as "Long Island" as they get. Everyone just kinda talks a little snippily but nobody ever is an outright jerk.
Barbara was expecting to have this type of familiar, comfortable, PA interaction when she knocked on my door, but instead she got a Long Islander who goes from zero to 90 in about 2.3 seconds.
"Well...cl...clearly there was a misunderstanding," Barbara stammered, her tone softening a bit. "You can call today and put the electric in your name, that's all you have to do."
She had already backed off and realized she was out bitched, but that didn't stop me from continuing my nastiness.
"Do you have the number of the electric company?" I demanded, forcing myself to not blink and maintain eye contact, a trick I learned in conversation manipulation many years ago. It makes people super uncomfortable.
Barbara's eyes went to the ceiling for a moment, nervous. "Um...let me think..." she tried to buy herself some time. She had backed up several steps, her left foot pointed in the direction of an escape route.
"Don't bother to think," I snapped. "What is the electric company's name, I'll look it up online while I still have power." I snapped the last word.
"Pennsylvania Power and Light," she blurted out quickly. "I'm sure it won't be a problem."
"If it IS a problem, I will contact Charles," I informed her, referring to our landlord. With that, I shut the door in Barbara's face.
Now, it should have ended there. But even when they've won, a Long Islander goes for the mortal wound.
My fingers were dialing Dustin before I could even catch my fuming breath.
"Hello? Are you ok?" Dustin answered. (This is how all of our phone conversations start because I never call unless there's a problem. We're a texting couple.)
"You won't BELIEVE what just happened," I fumed. I recounted the tale of Barbara, knowing that I was exaggerating her tone. "She was such a bitch! And what the fuck? The Landlord is an asshole! He fucked up!" I finished.
And Dustin, being a Long Island man, agreed with me. "I'll be right home to deal with this."
While Dustin was stomping down the street towards home, I dialed up Pennsylvania Power and Light, where my attitude continued to shine.
"Pennsylvania Power and Light, how may I help you?" A pleasant voice greeted me.
"Yeah, hi," I snapped. "I have a problem. I just moved to Scranton. My landlord was SUPPOSED to put the electric in my name, but didn't and now YOU GUYS are gonna shut it off."
I said "you guys" as if I was cursing out this poor customer service representative.
"Alright ma'am I'll be happy to assist you with this...."
Less than two minutes later, I had the power in my name with absolutely no problems.
But I wasn't done yet.
"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
"Yeah, we've been here for a month, what happens to that electric bill...I don't wanna get charged for two months at a time because my Landlord messed up..."
"No ma'am, that won't happen. You will be charged starting tomorrow."
"Are you sure?" I barked.
"Yes ma'am. Was there anything else I can help you with?" Jeesh, even PA residents are intimidated by me over the phone.
"No, thank you. You've been very helpful," I said, sounding anything but thankful.
By this time, Dustin had arrived back home, where we exchanged curse words over the fact that the landlord denied ever saying he would take care of the electric transfer. We said things like, "Can you believe that dick?" and "What a dumb asshole" for a few minutes before we both realized there was nothing left to say about it since the situation was resolved.
Funny thing is, I really believe that ANY Long Islander would have reacted in a similar fashion: prepared for a fight. As we reviewed our behavior today, we realized that, as Long Islanders, we anticipate the worst and act before we have to REact. I think about all the times I've gotten into it with various people on the island and I'm starting to realize...that's not normal.
We've had two specific driving/car related incidents here that highlight the LI mentality too. A day or two after I got here, I was pulling out of the parking lot and almost hit two college students who I did not see crossing the lot exit. Immediately I wanted to yell "WHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING?" But before I could, they smiled and waved at me. Today, Dustin was over tired, and went to cross an alley where a car came zooming out and had to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting him. His instinct was to slam on the hood of the car and yell, but before HE could, they were apologizing and smiling at him.
It's unnerving, being the biggest dick in place. That's not to say that there aren't ANY nasty people in PA...I'm sure there are tons. But it's not healthy or normal to go into every situation prepared for things to go badly...or ready to jump down someone's throat...or worse, beat them to death. It's not right to judge people from one shitty interaction or a misunderstanding. It's not okay to constantly feel like people are out to hurt you or make your life miserable.
I'm starting to subscribe to that whole "everything happens for a reason" mentality. Maybe our lives as parents and Pennsylvanians has occured to get us to slow down; to better deal with the little bumps that show up in the road...the Barbaras that come bearing irritating news through no fault of her own.
I think our Long Island confidence has helped us get here...has helped Dustin land a great job...and has given us the strength to get through a really tough, scary spot in life...but I'm really looking forward to the day that I can smile and wave at the person who almost kills me with their car.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
It's a....Girl???
You'd think with no job I'd have more time to write this blog, but either I am terrible at time management or I've been so busy I've neglected an update. And a lot has happened....
Dustin and I were very much looking forward to last Friday, which was the big 20 week gender sonogram. This is also the sonogram which checks out all of the baby's organs and whatnot to make sure its healthy and developing well. We are still in the process of switching our doctor to one up here (I'll get to that in a bit) so we had to travel to LI once again for this particular appointment.
I don't want to say I was unhappy with the way things turned out last Friday because we were given lots of good news. The baby is growing (already a pound)...my sugar levels are normal (they were worried I might develop diabetes because my initial testing was a little high...but I also accidentally ate an entire bag of reeses' peanut butter cups the night before the test so that probably had something to do with it) and all my other vitals were perfect. I've only gained 3 pounds in this pregnancy, which is actually a good thing. I'm already slightly overweight and it would be dangerous to gain a shit ton more. And by slightly I mean quite. They would have liked to see a few more pounds gained...closer to 8...but they don't seem concerned. I'm also carrying pretty well...if you didn't know what I normally looked like, I don't think you'd be able to tell I was pregnant.
The reason I was unhappy was I was really looking forward to not only getting 100 percent confirmation on the sex, but also making sure everything was developing correctly. Well, this kid is already a pain in the ass. We watched as it literally turned away from us, squirmed away from the sono tech and had its legs crossed over the "goods." We got ONE shot that the "cookie" was visible in...but even with that, we only have a 90 percent accuracy reading on the gender...which happens to be a little girl. Today I got a call from the doctor's office and they want me to go to St Charles hospital for a level 2 sonogram. I was assured that everything is fine, but that there were a few things that weren't visible, just because of the way the baby was squirming and laying. It happens sometimes. And apparently St Charles has slightly better techs and equipment. That's all well and good, but the only time they could get me in is on the 22nd, which means ANOTHER trip to LI...in the middle of Dustin's work week. Not only is it expensive to travel back and forth since gas is like a hundred dollars a gallon, but the St. Charles sonograms are EXPENSIVE. My insurance blows and the last time we were sent to St Charles (early on when we didn't know how far along we were and regular non hospital sonograms couldn't detect anything) we got HAMMERED on the bill.
So we decided we'd start looking at what our options are up here.
By some MIRACLE...I found a practice right around the corner from our apartment that accepts my New York insurance. I know, lucky, right? The practice delivers their babies at an amazing hospital...also right around the corner. This hospital (Moses Taylor if you're interested) was recently ranked one of the top in the country for maternity care.
Of course, these things are not without their catches. Because I'm so far along in the pregnancy, my medical records have to be faxed over to the new potential practice and they have to decide whether they will accept me or not. I am assuming they would not accept someone who is having a lot of complications for legal reasons. Or say someone hasn't gotten proper medical care...then God forbid something goes wrong after they switch to this new doc...and they are liable legally. These are guesses...it panicked me to think they could deny me, but if that's the case, we'll figure it out. And by figure it out I mean continue to waste money going back and forth to LI and picking an induction date and praying I don't go into labor before it. That's dicey though. Especically since towards the end of the pregnancy I think you have to see a doctor every two weeks or so. So let's all just pray that this new practice accepts me. My medical records have already been faxed.
The other potential fork in the works is my Cobra. While I am covered all the way back to May 1st, I didn't have to make the first payment until the end of June. We've been hoarding our money as we spent a shit ton just getting here...renting a moving truck...getting set up in a new place...etc. So we were waiting until we had a little cushion. The payment due on June 30 would cover all of May. Then, unfortunately, we'd owe another payment on July 1, which would cover June. So that's approximately 1500 bucks due at the end of this month. Yiiiiikes. Oh...and did I mention it's not even GOOD insurance??
We are also in the process of applying for domestic partnership benefits, but that's a crap shoot. I am PRAYING we get approved. Getting married is also an option, but as previously mentioned in a post, we have to wait for that to be a possibility. We're thinking in a month or two. Maybe more. Damn NYS and their incredibly slow legal system.
Even with all this stress, things are getting better. I know after reading that it doesn't SEEM like it, but we crunched the numbers and if we must continue to Cobra, we can. If I don't get approved up here, we'll figure it out. I can't see why they wouldn't accept me...things have been moving along perfectly in this pregnancy, knock on wood.
I had also previously mentioned that I was secretly hoping for a boy. That's true, but every time I see this kid on the sonogram (even if she did look terrifying...seriously could they work on making sonograms yield cuter results?) I realize that a healthy baby is the most important thing. Also, having had a few days to think about my future daughter, I'm excited for a few things. Little girl clothes are much more fun, for starters. My cousin Kailyn mentioned little tights...and seeing as how I have a pretty impressive collection of my own, it will be fun to have a mini me. I like the idea of Dustin having a daughter...I feel like the Daddy/daughter relationship is more special than the Daddy/son. Not only will his interactions with her determine her feelings towards men forever (just a little pressure there) I feel like men are able to be more forthcoming with their feelings with a little girl. The way I described it to Dustin was...if you have a 13 year old boy come home crying, Dad would probably be more likely to ask how many people saw him crying than to coddle him. If his 13 year old girl comes home crying, it's perfectly acceptable for him to want to hug the pain away and then destroy whoever hurt her.
Perhaps that's a little gender role specific of me but...you know what I mean with that analogy. I also think little boys are tighter with their moms, which is kind of why I was hoping for one. But this also presents me with an incredible opportunity: I have a horrible relationship with my mother. In fact, we aren't speaking and haven't through my pregnancy. At a time where she should be there for me and I should be able to share this experience with her, she isn't and I can't. I am very thankful for Dustin's mother Irene and my stepmom Deirdre, who have been an incredible support system for me. But as sad as my mom issues are, I feel like I'm being given a chance to make that right with my own daughter. I've seen what doesn't work...and I almost feel like it gives me a slight advantage when it comes to my relationship with her. Of course if you subscribe to that whole "history repeating itself" thing, I'm doomed...and honestly that was my fear in having a girl...but I'm not going to allow things to turn out like that.
In other news, yes, we have a name picked out...and I freaking LOVE IT. I've told a few people, but I don't wanna make it public yet. It's unique...I've certainly never met/heard of anyone with at least the first name...but it means so much to Dustin and I. I like names that have personal meaning to both parents. It was one of the main reasons we didn't have a boy name picked out...we just couldn't find one to top the girl name.
Things I've learned this week:
The sun/heat is not my friend any more. Serious sunburn, even though I used SPF 50 for the first time in my life. I also almost passed out on a 3 block walk to the bank on a very hot day.
My night time pees are increasing in intensity. While I've been blissfully symptom free for the most part in this pregnancy, the peeing thing has been around since like, week five. Last night I woke up every hour. Literally once an hour. I sleep like a dead person too, so I'm running a serious risk of tripping on a cat, falling on my face or going back to sleep on the toilet.
Now that the kid weighs a pound, she is starting to be noticable, especially when she's in an awkward position. She must have been curled up around my liver the other day...I could barely breathe without feeling like something was going to rupture.
Hot flashes can and will occur even when the AC is down to 60.
Cleanliness is suddenly extremely important to me. We had a lazy weekend (the trip to LI always takes a lot out of us) and we kind of made a mess in the apartment. I woke up this morning NEEDING to clean. I did not stop until everything was in its proper place. This is not like me. It's a little weird.
I challenge any one of you to a juice drinking contest. I can now drink more liquids than anyone on the planet. (explains the peeing)
Everything can now be classified in two categories: Cute and Gross. The cat is cute. The litter is gross. Our dinner spread is cute. The taste of meat is gross. The bed is made up all cute. The mascara stain on my pillow is gross. My sunburned nose is cute. My Edward Scissorhands hair is gross. And so on.
So in the next week or so we're hoping to have a new doctor, an additional sonogram and a firm answer on the gender. It's nice to have something new to worry about.
Dustin and I were very much looking forward to last Friday, which was the big 20 week gender sonogram. This is also the sonogram which checks out all of the baby's organs and whatnot to make sure its healthy and developing well. We are still in the process of switching our doctor to one up here (I'll get to that in a bit) so we had to travel to LI once again for this particular appointment.
I don't want to say I was unhappy with the way things turned out last Friday because we were given lots of good news. The baby is growing (already a pound)...my sugar levels are normal (they were worried I might develop diabetes because my initial testing was a little high...but I also accidentally ate an entire bag of reeses' peanut butter cups the night before the test so that probably had something to do with it) and all my other vitals were perfect. I've only gained 3 pounds in this pregnancy, which is actually a good thing. I'm already slightly overweight and it would be dangerous to gain a shit ton more. And by slightly I mean quite. They would have liked to see a few more pounds gained...closer to 8...but they don't seem concerned. I'm also carrying pretty well...if you didn't know what I normally looked like, I don't think you'd be able to tell I was pregnant.
The reason I was unhappy was I was really looking forward to not only getting 100 percent confirmation on the sex, but also making sure everything was developing correctly. Well, this kid is already a pain in the ass. We watched as it literally turned away from us, squirmed away from the sono tech and had its legs crossed over the "goods." We got ONE shot that the "cookie" was visible in...but even with that, we only have a 90 percent accuracy reading on the gender...which happens to be a little girl. Today I got a call from the doctor's office and they want me to go to St Charles hospital for a level 2 sonogram. I was assured that everything is fine, but that there were a few things that weren't visible, just because of the way the baby was squirming and laying. It happens sometimes. And apparently St Charles has slightly better techs and equipment. That's all well and good, but the only time they could get me in is on the 22nd, which means ANOTHER trip to LI...in the middle of Dustin's work week. Not only is it expensive to travel back and forth since gas is like a hundred dollars a gallon, but the St. Charles sonograms are EXPENSIVE. My insurance blows and the last time we were sent to St Charles (early on when we didn't know how far along we were and regular non hospital sonograms couldn't detect anything) we got HAMMERED on the bill.
So we decided we'd start looking at what our options are up here.
By some MIRACLE...I found a practice right around the corner from our apartment that accepts my New York insurance. I know, lucky, right? The practice delivers their babies at an amazing hospital...also right around the corner. This hospital (Moses Taylor if you're interested) was recently ranked one of the top in the country for maternity care.
Of course, these things are not without their catches. Because I'm so far along in the pregnancy, my medical records have to be faxed over to the new potential practice and they have to decide whether they will accept me or not. I am assuming they would not accept someone who is having a lot of complications for legal reasons. Or say someone hasn't gotten proper medical care...then God forbid something goes wrong after they switch to this new doc...and they are liable legally. These are guesses...it panicked me to think they could deny me, but if that's the case, we'll figure it out. And by figure it out I mean continue to waste money going back and forth to LI and picking an induction date and praying I don't go into labor before it. That's dicey though. Especically since towards the end of the pregnancy I think you have to see a doctor every two weeks or so. So let's all just pray that this new practice accepts me. My medical records have already been faxed.
The other potential fork in the works is my Cobra. While I am covered all the way back to May 1st, I didn't have to make the first payment until the end of June. We've been hoarding our money as we spent a shit ton just getting here...renting a moving truck...getting set up in a new place...etc. So we were waiting until we had a little cushion. The payment due on June 30 would cover all of May. Then, unfortunately, we'd owe another payment on July 1, which would cover June. So that's approximately 1500 bucks due at the end of this month. Yiiiiikes. Oh...and did I mention it's not even GOOD insurance??
We are also in the process of applying for domestic partnership benefits, but that's a crap shoot. I am PRAYING we get approved. Getting married is also an option, but as previously mentioned in a post, we have to wait for that to be a possibility. We're thinking in a month or two. Maybe more. Damn NYS and their incredibly slow legal system.
Even with all this stress, things are getting better. I know after reading that it doesn't SEEM like it, but we crunched the numbers and if we must continue to Cobra, we can. If I don't get approved up here, we'll figure it out. I can't see why they wouldn't accept me...things have been moving along perfectly in this pregnancy, knock on wood.
I had also previously mentioned that I was secretly hoping for a boy. That's true, but every time I see this kid on the sonogram (even if she did look terrifying...seriously could they work on making sonograms yield cuter results?) I realize that a healthy baby is the most important thing. Also, having had a few days to think about my future daughter, I'm excited for a few things. Little girl clothes are much more fun, for starters. My cousin Kailyn mentioned little tights...and seeing as how I have a pretty impressive collection of my own, it will be fun to have a mini me. I like the idea of Dustin having a daughter...I feel like the Daddy/daughter relationship is more special than the Daddy/son. Not only will his interactions with her determine her feelings towards men forever (just a little pressure there) I feel like men are able to be more forthcoming with their feelings with a little girl. The way I described it to Dustin was...if you have a 13 year old boy come home crying, Dad would probably be more likely to ask how many people saw him crying than to coddle him. If his 13 year old girl comes home crying, it's perfectly acceptable for him to want to hug the pain away and then destroy whoever hurt her.
Perhaps that's a little gender role specific of me but...you know what I mean with that analogy. I also think little boys are tighter with their moms, which is kind of why I was hoping for one. But this also presents me with an incredible opportunity: I have a horrible relationship with my mother. In fact, we aren't speaking and haven't through my pregnancy. At a time where she should be there for me and I should be able to share this experience with her, she isn't and I can't. I am very thankful for Dustin's mother Irene and my stepmom Deirdre, who have been an incredible support system for me. But as sad as my mom issues are, I feel like I'm being given a chance to make that right with my own daughter. I've seen what doesn't work...and I almost feel like it gives me a slight advantage when it comes to my relationship with her. Of course if you subscribe to that whole "history repeating itself" thing, I'm doomed...and honestly that was my fear in having a girl...but I'm not going to allow things to turn out like that.
In other news, yes, we have a name picked out...and I freaking LOVE IT. I've told a few people, but I don't wanna make it public yet. It's unique...I've certainly never met/heard of anyone with at least the first name...but it means so much to Dustin and I. I like names that have personal meaning to both parents. It was one of the main reasons we didn't have a boy name picked out...we just couldn't find one to top the girl name.
Things I've learned this week:
The sun/heat is not my friend any more. Serious sunburn, even though I used SPF 50 for the first time in my life. I also almost passed out on a 3 block walk to the bank on a very hot day.
My night time pees are increasing in intensity. While I've been blissfully symptom free for the most part in this pregnancy, the peeing thing has been around since like, week five. Last night I woke up every hour. Literally once an hour. I sleep like a dead person too, so I'm running a serious risk of tripping on a cat, falling on my face or going back to sleep on the toilet.
Now that the kid weighs a pound, she is starting to be noticable, especially when she's in an awkward position. She must have been curled up around my liver the other day...I could barely breathe without feeling like something was going to rupture.
Hot flashes can and will occur even when the AC is down to 60.
Cleanliness is suddenly extremely important to me. We had a lazy weekend (the trip to LI always takes a lot out of us) and we kind of made a mess in the apartment. I woke up this morning NEEDING to clean. I did not stop until everything was in its proper place. This is not like me. It's a little weird.
I challenge any one of you to a juice drinking contest. I can now drink more liquids than anyone on the planet. (explains the peeing)
Everything can now be classified in two categories: Cute and Gross. The cat is cute. The litter is gross. Our dinner spread is cute. The taste of meat is gross. The bed is made up all cute. The mascara stain on my pillow is gross. My sunburned nose is cute. My Edward Scissorhands hair is gross. And so on.
So in the next week or so we're hoping to have a new doctor, an additional sonogram and a firm answer on the gender. It's nice to have something new to worry about.
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